Surprising Facts about Out of Wedlock Births

I found some surprising information regarding out of wedlock births, in an article by Emily Yoffe in Slate Magazine. Mrs. Yoffe is Dear Prudence on Slate. While, yes, I realize that generally Slate is a liberal magazine, there are some worthwhile things to read on there. I like to read Mrs. Yoffe’s advice column. I don’t always agree with her advice, but I usually find myself agreeing more so than not. In this article, she makes some good points.

She reports that out of wedlock births make up 40% of all births. Here is the surprising part, only 23% of all unwed births are from teen girls. She does have the source to back that up. This seems to be a far cry from what the stereotype out there is. Politicians and pastors seem to be worried about teens having premarital sex. Perhaps they also need to worry about the young adults also.

Speaking of politicians, she has this to say about Mitt Romney and Barack Obama’s takes on unwed births.

That out-of-wedlock births are a problem for society does get some political attention—the kind of attention that shows there’s not a good plan for what to do about them. Mitt Romney mentioned the statistics in his presidential withdrawal speech. He cites declining religious observance, easily available pornography, and the possibility of gay marriage as the causes—a platform that seems unlikely to reverse the birth trends. Barack Obama, who grew up without a father, believes that a central reason for the ever-increasing rates is the difficult economic circumstances of the working class. In one speech on fatherhood, he talked about the need for government programs to help men become more of a presence in their children’s lives and admonished fathers to take their duties seriously. But he didn’t mention that one key to effective fatherhood is first becoming a husband.

I mostly agree with her take. According to this video, there are unmarried people who want procreate or at least act out the actions who attend church. Where did Jamie Lynn Spears, Britney’s li’l sis, meet the father of her baby? In all serious though, I can see a decline in church services being one cause. Maybe even the porn issue being a contributing factor. The men see this, think and expect women to act this way. When they act this way, it is one step closer to being a parent. How gay marriage fits in, I am not quite sure. I think the gay people who want to get married aren’t going to have worry about this problem. I am no biologist, so this is just my opinion.

If Barack Obama’s thoughts on the government “helping” unwed parents wasn’t so sad, it would be funny. Government being the daddy is the problem. All these welfare, foodstamp, and other assistance programs are what’s keeping fathers out of the children’s lives. I watch “Little House on the Prairie” quite often. In fact, I am watching it as I write. The working class people back then had to struggle more than they do now. They didn’t need to the government stepping in to give them hand outs. They didn’t even expect the government to give them hand ups. Usually if a family or person was struggling, the people of the town and church would get together and help the person or family. How can the government tell a male person to become a man and take care of his family? This is something that his family should have raised him to do. I guess maybe that’s where Mitt’s thoughts on church attendance comes in. The church is the larger extended family. But back to the difficult economic circumstances. Most people who are old enough to hold jobs are old enough to know where babies come from. If you know you can’t afford a baby, then stay away from circumstances that can bring a baby into your life.

Speaking of economic circumstances, Mrs. Yoffe does mention that the reasons some women do not marry these men.

Economists believe humans act rationally (a somewhat irrational belief, if you ask me), so some conclude that all this out-of-wedlock childbearing is a logical response to market forces, not the result of something as amorphous as “culture.” Since many working-class men do not offer the financial stability they used to provide, women see little incentive to marry them. As Obama said, “[M]any black men simply cannot afford to raise a family.” (The out-of-wedlock birthrate among black Americans is close to 70 percent.) I’m trying to follow the logic here. I can understand that a woman looking to get married may decide that a man is such a poor economic prospect that he’s not husband material (even if a husband with a low income is better than no husband and no income). But how then is that same man, or a string of them, worthy of fathering her children?

Let’s take a looksee at that. I agree with her last sentence. I am not quite sure I agree with what she has in brackets. If she is talking about after the fact of the baby being conceived, well yes, I do agree that the woman having husband is better than no husband. So long as he isn’t a jerk and can treat her and the baby right. If she is talking about when there is no baby involved, sometimes it can be better for a woman to not be married, regardless of a man’s income level.  Not only would a poor woman have to deal with her own financial woes, she will have to deal with someone else’s financial woes, along with his personal situations.

In her article, Mrs. Yoffe points to studies that show children born into unmarried households  can be financially and emotionally devastating, to the point of damaging developing young brains.

She also mentions there is a reverse trend of college educated women are more likely to get married than women with no higher than a high school education.  In one of the links she provides, college women outnumber men by 4 to 3.  So either one in these four college women are not getting married, they will marry down.

As I said before, Mrs. Yoffe is an advice columnist.  In this article she talks about some of the types of letters she receives from readers, advice she gives and reactions from readers.  Generally, her advice is for the parents to get married.  But she does not advice these young women to marry some jerk, just because he is the father.  Her take on some of the letters she receives regarding out of wedlock births;

It’s important to offer some caveats. I am not—the researchers are not—advising marriage at all costs. “Dear Prudence” letter writers should not marry the jerks whom they had drunken procreative sex with and hope never to see again. Nor do I recommend entering into a union with a clearly unstable, unsuitable partner. A survey by the Center for Law and Social Policy on the benefits for children of having married parents did come to the anodyne conclusion that “high conflict” marriages can be as bad for children as having never-married parents. I know. My parents had a “high conflict,” violent marriage; I don’t recommend it for anyone. Also, growing up in ideal circumstances is no guarantee that one’s life will be a happy success, just as growing up in difficult ones does not doom one to be a troubled failure. (See Barack Obama.)

As someone whom I would call a “conceived product of a bad marriage,” who’s parents were married before I was conceived, I agree.  This shouldn’t just go for women who find themselves with an unwanted pregnancy, but also any women who are dating.  Sometimes I think the best thing my mother did for me as a child, was to divorce my father.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my dad.  Nor am I advocating divorce.  I am just saying that a woman should be picky about whom she marries and has babies with.

Many of her readers chastise her for telling the women to marry the men.  Some examples of the letters she receives;

“Legal ties are supposed to make it somehow legit? With the divorce rate as high as it is, a live-in girlfriend is just as good,”

I am going to say it, typical male response!  Ladies, watch out for guys like this.  They want the milk before the cow.   Don’t let desperation take the better of you.

“Having a child will be stressful and life altering enough. Parents need to work on their relationship on their time schedule.”

The parents should have realized that before they did the things that got them to the point they are at.  I am going to reverse the old phrase, “You made your bed, now lie in it.”  I think in this case, You lied in the bed now make it.

“I feel that a baby is its own blessing. Have that blessing before you get married.”

I feel that once that baby is in the world, he or she will feel more blessed to be in a household where mommy and daddy are married.  No, it is not cute to go to a wedding where the little toddler is watching mommy and daddy get married.

“How dare you imply that an unexpected pregnancy should lead to marriage? You are simply out of touch with modern culture.”

I am going to give ya her response to that.

That may be. But it also means that modern culture is out of touch with the needs of children. Some researchers identify out-of-wedlock births as the chief cause for the increasing stratification and inequality of American life, the first step that casts children into an ever more rigid caste system. Studies have found that children born to single mothers are vastly more likely to be poor, have behavioral and psychological problems, drop out of high school, and themselves go on to have out-of-wedlock children.

“My boyfriend and I have a 4-year-old son. We’ve broken up but realized that we truly are meant for one another. My father was diagnosed with stage four cancer last year, and I’ve made it known to my boyfriend how important it is for me to have my father with me when I get married. When I bring up marriage to my boyfriend his reply is we will get married, I promise, but he has not asked me.”

I don’t think this guy will ever marry the girl.

Read the article here.